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It was a typical weeknight. My husband and I had finally completed all three (and vastly different) bedtime routines for each of our kids. The dishes were done. Lunches were packed for the next day. I actually felt pretty good about the status of my to-do list and what I had accomplished for the day. We sat down on the couch for that glorious (albeit short-lived) downtime before going to bed. I wasn’t very invested in the show that my husband had turned on and so I started to scroll through Facebook. And that’s when I noticed it … my profile picture. I’m not sure why it stood out to me at that moment precisely, afterall it was the same profile picture that I had used for over a year. 

But that was exactly the point. I hadn’t changed my profile picture in over a year. Now, normally that wouldn’t be a big deal. It was a nice professional picture featuring my little baby bump. The problem? Currently that little baby bump is now a big one-year-old who had spent the majority of her night cruising around the house with her walker before we forced her to go to bed. 

“Really?” I thought to myself. “You couldn’t make time to find a new picture?” After all of the things that I had checked off my to-do list that day, I was still feeling motivated. And so began my search for a current picture, preferably one with that adorable baby of mine. I found plenty ... 

Plenty of pictures in which I wasn’t wearing any makeup. Scary, no. 

Plenty of pictures taken from an unflattering angle. I’ll pass on featuring a double chin, thanks. Plenty of pictures with my hair piled on top of my head because, mom life. Nope. Plenty of pictures of me smiling with my kids. And I still don’t like the way I look. 

I quickly realized that lack of time was not the reason I had been putting this off. It shouldn’t have been surprising that I couldn’t find a picture I liked. I almost never can. In all honesty, I didn’t even love the current profile picture I was trying to replace. I can probably count the number of pictures I actually like of myself on one hand. And most of those were taken years ago. Am I really that unattractive and unphotogenic? No, I don’t think that’s really it. 

I’m sinful. So incredibly sinful. The efficiency with which I can rip apart my appearance from head to toe is almost impressive. It’s a running list of grievances that I’ve had with my body for as long as I can remember. Even looking back at pictures when I was my thinnest and most put together, I remember not being happy with my body and overall appearance. 

But what right do I have to be unsatisfied with what God has given me? My body, untoned areas and all, is healthy and capable. My smile, though it might not be the wide, toothy smile I would like, graces my face often with gratitude and joy. I’ve used that body to serve my Lord and to bear and care for my children. I’ve used that smile to reassure friends and family in times of trouble and to build and strengthen relationships. They’re gifts that God has granted me to do his work.

“And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8 

I shouldn’t slight or pity the woman that I see in pictures. I am blessed beyond measure. The blessings God has given me enable me to serve a higher purpose, and were never meant to serve my own vanity. Maybe others will see the imperfections that I see in myself when they look at my pictures, maybe they won’t. I can still do better to look at myself and simply see the grace of God in my life. 

After taking a break from my search for the “perfect” profile picture for the night, I woke up the next morning and chose the first picture I could find of my baby daughter and me smiling. And I actually still smile when I look at it. That woman is happy. That woman loves and is loved. She is a redeemed child of God. She is blessed.