You're Not in Control
I’m here. I’ve officially reached the age where college kids look unbelievably young and high school kids look more like babies than teenagers. My husband seems to have reached that age as well. “Do you see that kid driving next to us? He looks like he’s twelve!” he exclaimed one Saturday morning while we were out running errands. I glanced out the window to see the so-called twelve-year-old next to us and laughed, “No dear, you’ve just forgotten how teenagers really look. We used to look like that too.”
Facebook memories pop up and I find myself struggling to put myself back in the shoes of that young, carefree girl in the pictures. And yet, when I think about it, that “carefree college kid” who I used to be was not carefree at all. I remember being so stressed all the time about papers, exams, relationships, my future. I used to get myself so worked up with “what ifs” that I would be paralyzed with fear.
What if I fail this test?
What if I can’t find a job after I graduate?
What if we break up?
I used to be able to “what if” myself into being destitute and miserable without breaking a sweat. Sure I had a lot on my mind back then, but then I think about how much more is at stake now with a family, a house, a job, bills to pay. And yet… my days of “what if” scenarios are behind me. Some of it is obviously maturity and getting out into the real world, but most of it is just realizing that I’m not in control.
College-age me would have had a panic attack just thinking about some of the decisions I’ve had to make over the years. But I find that the more crossroads I face in my life and the more responsibilities that come my way, the more peace I find in the way my life unfolds. For all of the “what ifs” that I have come up with in the past or could come up with for my future, none of it has ever been in my control.
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9
It’s natural for us to want to plan, make goals and dream about the future, but the only one who holds our future is our Lord. Part of growing in my faith has been developing my trust for God’s plan. I’ve wasted so many prayers desperately asking God to move faster with this plans for my life or pleading with God to take heartbreak and disappointment away. God, in his unending patience, has taught me time and again, that He’s got it. He’s got me.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
Finally learning to give in to God’s plan has been a long time coming (and sometimes I still slip). But when I’m able to relinquish my sinful pride, I can see how much time I wasted trying to control things that aren’t mine to control.
Trusting the Lord enough to leave my steady, full-time job in order to spend more time with my kids has been one of the biggest, most life-changing blessings. And now God has provided a part-time job that I find myself looking forward to. Praying with my husband years ago, trusting that God would reveal a new career path for him has resulted in a career that he is truly passionate about. Our continued prayers for the patience and wisdom to make the right parenting decisions reminds us to be thankful for our perfect heavenly Father. Sure, not everything in God’s plan for my life has been all happiness and joy. God’s plan for all of our lives will include hard lessons, loss and pain. Those are the things that He can’t shield us from because of the sin in this world.
And yet, we can trust that He is still in control and that He is still working for our good. How could He not be? Jesus conquered death and the devil himself for us! When we find it difficult to trust God’s plan for our lives here on earth, we can look to the plan He carried out for our eternal future for assurance.
“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.” Titus 3:4-7
The plan that Jesus executed for us by living a perfect life and willingly dying on the cross is the only plan that has ever really mattered. Yes, God has a plan for your life here on earth, but more importantly, He has a plan for your life after this earth. Thankfully, we have never been nor will we ever be in control of our own salvation.