Practicing Patience

“Patience is a virtue.”

“Pray for patience.”

“I used to be patient, then I had kids.”

That last saying implies that kids are to blame for when parents lose it but really parenting (especially at first) just provides a new set of challenges which expose a lack of control that was already there. Patience has a negative aspect. It’s defined as the ability to endure or tolerate what is difficult or disagreeable, without complaint, but behind the word is adversity, a struggle, some hardship or trying time. One synonym for patience is long-suffering. Without the challenge or suffering, would we have the need for patience at all?

How often have you heard someone boil over sitting by the pool at a sunny resort? How often have you felt your temper rise when you have an uninterrupted hour to yourself (and maybe a glass of wine) to make dinner? How often does a scenic drive on the open road get on your nerves? It’s easy to be your best self when things are good.

But add in some adversity and just how long can you endure before your sinful nature gets the best of you? How long can you handle the onslaught of bickering while you try to get dinner on the table? How many minutes of selfish drivers in traffic can you take, before you snap? Not until the clouds roll in, a drink is spilled, the bugs descend, or a maintenance worker chooses this moment to start mowing might a person lose their patience at the pool and pack up. Raising kids isn’t the only situation that exposes a lack of patience. Maybe your co-workers, health problems or even the weather are frustrating and annoying or, let’s say, opportunities to practice patience.

Just as having kids can highlight a person’s lack of patience, God’s perfect patience with His children is on display throughout Scripture.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;

he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.  

As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

Psalm 103:8-13

This doesn’t mean we should presume upon God’s love; His patience with the unrepentant has its limits, but that said, his patience with sinners is incredible! It’s easy to be patient with the sweetest bunch of obedient, happy kids, but unfortunately we are the opposite. We fight, lie, whine, run away, rebel, blame God, ignore God, and deliberately hurt each other, like kids you’d never want to babysit again! But instead of packing up and throwing in the towel, God has made us His own, redeemed us and called us by name, sending His Son to live and die in our place.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;”
Isaiah 43:1-3

It’s a grateful heart that motivates our patience, not just with kids, but with ALL of God’s children. My life isn’t a day at the beach, and my kids are far from perfect— let’s just say I have ample opportunity to choose patience and let my faith shine. When I find myself taking that last deep breath (you know, the one right before you explode) I pray God brings to mind the steadfastness of Christ.

There’s a scene at a restaurant in a romantic comedy where one dad is describing to an expectant couple how much patience you need “at 3:00am when everyone’s awake because Abram’s sick and can’t find the bathroom and just threw up in Katya’s bed; when you blink and it’s 5:30am and you know you’ll be tired all day, all week, all your life. You have to be so much better than you ever thought.”

He builds a little house out of toothpicks and a coaster, on top of a couple pancakes, then slowly dumps an entire pitcher of syrup over the whole scene. He doesn’t hold any back. It floods the roof, overflows the walls, covers the whole plate. “That’s the love guys. You have to use all of it. It’s the glue.” When our patience runs out under pressure, we find God’s love welling up, covering over what we lack, filling all the cracks, flooding our homes and our hearts.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14