Inconsistent

I am consistently inconsistent.  

Sometimes I only allow my 2 year old her pacifier during naps and bedtime, and remain strong through each battle of wills. Other days I let it linger earlier than morning until long after dusk, never protesting its presence.

No T.V. after daddy leaves for work... unless we’re sick, or it’s raining, or I’m tired, or... or... or...

He’s almost 7 months now, so he doesn’t need to eat every 2-3 hours at night. I’m not going to feed him until after 2am. Well, 1:30 is close enough. It’s only midnight, but he might wake his sister or the neighbors. He’s crying and I’m in a fog, and I’m not even going to look at a clock because I don’t want to know.

This is nothing new.

I’ve been dedicated then distant in relationships.

I’ve been driven then distracted in goals.

I am back and forth, up and down, hot and cold in everything I do.

Inconsistency complicates everything. It causes confusion, hurt, and unnecessary obstacles in every area of life.

If I could just say what I mean, and do what I say, and live how I know is right, not changing my mind on what that means, things would be so much easier.

My children wouldn’t test boundaries as often as they do. There would be far fewer apologies and regrets laced into every relationship. I wouldn’t lie awake sometimes reliving some of the things I’ve done that I simply wish I hadn’t.

It is those days and nights when my children are testing, my heart is hurting, and my mind is rehashing that I appreciate most the words of Hebrews 13:8 and Malachi 3:6.

Hebrews 13:8

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Malachi 3:6

I the Lord do not change

Jesus Christ did not get distracted from his goal of securing our salvation while living among us, or change his mind about saving us because of our constant disregard for His commands.

When He sat at the well of Sychar in Samaria, He didn’t find himself too exhausted to pinpoint the offenses of a woman whose living situation made for a very uncomfortable conversation.

When Peter protested Jesus’s proclamation that He would be killed, He didn’t focus on Peter’s well intentioned love, but prioritized the truth and said to him “Get behind me Satan”!

Even though He prayed until He bled in the Garden of Gethsemane for God to take the cup from Him, He did not justify for Himself an easier alternative, but took our punishment that we might be Justified before our Father in Heaven.

Throughout history God has been just and firm, merciful and compassionate exactly when He needed to be for our benefit. He remains the same in all His ways.

Exodus 34:5-7

Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."

While I waver daily, doubting my decisions, justifying wrongdoings, and searching for an easier straight and narrow path God has been totally committed to us. He sent His only Son to pay the cost of our inability to remain true to Him.

John 3:16-17

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him

I will continue to falter on every level, but because of Christ I will never be separated from His love for me. It is not my level of consistency that determines my salvation, but His.

Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

He is the spotless lamb of God, who died that I might be with Him whether I'm consistent or not.