But Why, God?
This past year has been full of “Why God?” moments. You know those times when you are left distraught and stressed and all you can do is just say, “Why God?” I will admit that I have found myself too often letting that question roll off my tongue. Just take a look into some of the “Why” questions I wrote in my prayer journal.
“Why am I so exhausted all the time? Why did you make me move? Why did I have leave my friends and family? Why are there such large bugs in North Carolina? Why is living on my own so hard? Why am I struggling with this? Why did you let this happen to me? Why is life so hard?”
I really hope you could tell how whiny I am toward God sometimes. All the “Why” questions pushed me to the brink. I was so close to giving into the Devil’s whispers to me. The “Why’s” led me down a road of discontentment, mistrust, and an overall feeling of unhappiness.
Maybe at times you feel the same way I do.
Your prayers may sound like mine,
“Why do I feel so unloved? Why did God let that happen? Why does no one appreciate the things I do? Why can’t my plan just fall into place perfectly? Why can’t I just be the pinterest or instagram perfect woman?”
If your heart is heavy with “Why God?” questions you can be left feeling unfulfilled, untrusting, and like a failure who doesn’t have control over her own life. The questions can haunt your heart and mind leading to days of a frustrated fog. I understand your mind’s effort to justify the questions and I understand your heart’s guilt knowing that you shouldn’t be asking them. The daily inner turmoil surrounded by questioning God’s plan can weigh you down like you are carrying a hippo on your back.
How can I trust my heavenly father when I question his plan and presence in my life?
Recently, I was recounting the events of Holy Week as a reflection during Lent. In the book of John, Jesus and his disciples began celebrating the Passover Feast in a strange way. Jesus rolled up his sleeves, got down on his knees and began washing his disciples' stinky feet. It was not a job expected of the King of the World if you ask me. Peter has the same thought I did. He formed his own “Why God?” questions. He said, “Jesus, why are you washing my feet? I should be washing your feet.” At first glance his comment seemed harmless, but with a closer look you can see that Peter was walking the same path as I had this past year. The foundation of those why questions are rooted in our own pride. Thinking that my plan is better than God’s plan is my first stumbling block that leads me to questioning that God who is good all the time. Jesus’ response was gentle and humbling to Peter, to me, and to anyone who has a tendency to rely on human reason rather than the power and wisdom of God. It brings me to my knees when he said, “What I am doing now, you do not understand, but later you will understand.” (John 13:7) It was such a patient response to Peter, to me, and to you.
Jesus knows why things are happening, but he doesn’t need to tell us.
Instead he urges us to just have trust and to have faith.
Knowing to have faith is a lot easier than actually having faith in those moments when we need to ask God, “Why?” in my whiniest, childlike voice. I don’t even want to admit how many days I fall to my knees in desperation asking, “Why God?” Deep down, I know that I shouldn’t ask those questions, and I could sit here and write a million excuses, but at the end of the day I need to make a bold step to trust. It’s making a step to let go of my plans. It’s making a step to let my faith be larger than my human reason. My faith in God’s plan leads me to let go during those rough days. It leads me to let go of my own idea of a perfect life. Most of all it leads me to depend on my Savior and the plans he has set up for me.
Sisters in Christ, It is time to hold on to our Savior’s promises. You know all those times he says, “I will bless you. I sustain you and I am preparing a place for you in my kingdom.” With confidence, my prayer can turn from “Why God?” to “I may not understand why, but I can trust that you hold me in your hands.” In the moments of doubt and pride, switch your own prayer in faith knowing that even when we don’t understand, we can rest in his unchanging love and unbreakable promises.
“If you but trust in God to guide you,
And place your confidence in Him,
He’ll give you strength and stand beside you
When days are dreary, dark, and dim.
For those who trust His changeless love
Build on the Rock that does not move.
How can these anxious worries aid you,
These never ceasing moans and sighs?
Will not His wings of mercy shade you
Whenever troubled times arise?
Our cross and trials do but press
The heavier for our bitterness
Be patient and await His leisure
In cheerful hope, with heart content:
Then take whate’er your Father’s pleasure
And His discerning love have sent;
Doubt not; your inmost wants are known
To Him who chose you for His own.
Sing, pray, and keep His ways unswerving,
Perform your duties faithfully,
And trust His word; though undeserving,
You’ll find His promise true to be;
God never yet forsake in need
The soul that trusted Him indeed.”