3 Lessons for a Heavy Heart

Seven years ago my husband and I experienced the most beautiful and heart-breaking moment in our parenthood journey. On a sunny July evening I delivered our first child; however, unexpectedly we would give her back to Jesus a short 36 hours later. While my heart will never fully “heal” from a loss like this, it certainly has had it’s fair share of repair over these seven years: therapy, the birth of our two sons and sharing my story with other women have all played an important role in helping to refine me, if you will.

When my daughter died, my fervent prayer was that I would never feel comfortable in my faith again; a pretty hefty prayer for someone experiencing such a heartbreaking loss. As I look back on the past seven years I can see that God has certainly answered that prayer. No matter how many times I’ve wrestled with God, there have been three clear messages through this journey that I believe can apply to anyone going through a difficult season in life. You don’t have to be a bereaved parent to know and believe these key messages.

1. Jesus is near

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

Jesus spoke these words to his disciples as he prepared them for his death. He was assuring them he would still be with them through the Holy Spirit he would send to live in them. The same spirit that he promised his disciples he has given to those of us who believe: The spirit of Christ is in YOU! 

He doesn’t always feel near though, does he? 

The early church didn’t just accept the spirit and move on. No, they spoke about him, they preached about him, they remembered him! They had just lost their teacher, were under persecution and seemed to have a lot going against them, but they would rather die than be separated from Christ!

Is that how we live when our hearts are heavy?

Author Phylicia Masonheimer is quoted as saying, “God isn’t a feeling. He is a presence. And He is there whether or not you feel Him. The beautiful thing is that through diligent seeking Him in the word- however that looks in our differing seasons – our feelings begin to change. They catch up to our diligence.” 

After my daughter died I relied heavily on the word of God- even if it was just for 5 minutes. There were many nights I didn’t want to pick up my Bible, but I did anyway. I knew that in my darkest hour, even in my anger and sadness, that Jesus was my only hope. Slowly my heart posture began to change and I craved more of Him. I still practice this today: when I am not in regular relationship with God’s word; in tune with his Spirit, my heart becomes heavy, and that is my cue that he’s calling me back.

2. God keeps His promises

Another thing I do when Jesus doesn’t feel near (or I’m having a hard time connecting with him) is to remind myself of the attributes of God. We know that the Psalms were often used by Israel to worship God. Psalms are songs/hymns, often written in poetic style, with different genres: wisdom literature, ways to pass down historical information, some were psalms of lament or thanksgiving (and many more!) but one of the main goals was to remind Israel of God’s faithfulness. Suffering has been a part of the lives of God’s people since the beginning of time and psalmists like David knew that reminding Israel of God’s faithfulness in good times would help them through difficulties. 

Christians today can often take these verses out of context before considering the original intended audience. That doesn’t mean scripture can’t or shouldn’t be used for our lives, but knowing that God has been present and near since Eden, while Israel wandered through the desert, when Israel was strong and when they were in captivity helps us to recognize God’s faithfulness, his goodness, his righteousness and mercy. Verses like Psalm 34:18 says “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” and Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” and Joshua 1:9, “Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” are wonderful and comforting but it’s so important to see these promises fulfilled in Jesus so that when He, himself, speaks of a new covenant and promises in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”, we can be assured this promise will also be kept.

3. Everything (ultimately) is worked for our good and God’s glorY

This is a tough one, isn’t it? We ask ourselves, how can this pain and hurt be good? How can whatever it is we’re facing, that leaves us feeling so empty and so raw, be good?  The suffering itself is not good; suffering is a natural consequence of sin. We know this from Genesis and we see it impact the lives of every person in scripture and every person on this planet today. This is NOT the way God intended life to be. We know that Christ conquered sin, death and the devil; however, these things exist temporarily awaiting final judgement, as we see in Revelation. 

In her book, “The One Year Book of Hope” Nancie Guthrie says this, “It is clear to me from Scripture that God loves us, that his loving plan for us sometimes includes suffering, and that he uses this suffering for our ultimate good and his own glory. I believe that. I accept that. But I can’t say that I completely understand that, nor can I definitely explain it.“ 

She goes on to say, “I look at the cross and the enormous suffering it represents, and I am humbled and ashamed that I think I could know better than God what is good and right and purposeful. I see that there is a larger plan at work that my heart and my mind can barely comprehend. But mostly I see that the Cross is the ultimate example of God’s ability to work all things together for good—even the most wicked deed darkness ever conceived. And if God can work together the cruel death and enormous suffering of his Son on the cross to bring about the greatest good of all time, then perhaps he really can do something good in and through the suffering in our lives too.” 

Whatever season you find yourself in, whether it be a dark one or just a mundane one leaving you wondering where God is, I pray that you would be reminded today that Jesus is near, God keeps His promises and is working the circumstances in your life for good. However, my bigger prayer is that you don’t take my word for it, but that you carve out some time today to meet Him in prayer and in His word. And then you do it again tomorrow and the next day, and watch as he takes the pieces of your heart and does something beautiful.