Hairy Legs and Heavenly Reality

In the 2000 film, “Return to Me,” Minnie Driver stars as Grace, a cardiac patient who receives a new heart after another woman tragically passes away from a car accident. With a new lease on life, Grace happens to meet and fall in love with Bob, a local architect who—spoiler alert—just so happens to be the widower of Grace’s late, anonymous heart donor. (Yes, in true romantic comedy fashion, drama does ensue.)

Grace feels nervous and out of practice as she prepares for her first date with Bob. Turning to her trusted cousin and best friend, Megan (played by Bonnie Hunt), Grace is advised to not shave her legs before the date. Keeping her legs unshaven, Megan explained, would prevent Grace from going too far, too quickly in a new relationship.

Megan Dayton: I'm just saying, for safety, don't shave your legs, because then you definitely won't let it go too far.

Grace Briggs: Megan, it's a first date.

Megan Dayton: I married a first date. I'm sure you plan on being level-headed, but once you're in the moment, the male brain seems, I don't know, everything they say suddenly seems brilliant. Hairy legs are your only link to reality.

“Hairy legs are your only link to reality.” That is to say, if Grace were to get swept up in a romantic moment with Bob, she’d feel too embarrassed by her hairy legs to, ah, you know, go all the way. (I quoted this line for years before I realized what it actually meant; my adolescent brain always found it hilarious that adults were using hairy legs to make some sort of a point.)

Upon a recent revisit of the film, however, I began to think of this quote in a different way. 

Hairy legs are meant to be something that not only stops Grace from the temptation of getting too physical, too quickly—but jolts her back to the reality of what is known to be the more responsible, more honorable and more forward-looking path. 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Temptation to stray from that path, of course, is everywhere—in the classroom, at the office, even on our phones. More frightening, however, is that it manifests not only in what is tangible and actionable; it begins in our sin-soaked hearts, and can very quickly infect our thoughts, words and attitudes.

But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the Spirit you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough.
2 Corinthians 11:3-4

Have you ever heard the word “Christianese” before? Urban Dictionary will give you a few different definitions—and it’s a very subjective term. In my line of faith-based copywriting work, though, we use it to describe a manner of speaking within American Christianity that seems authentic, godly and doctrinally sound... but often (not always), really just uses Christian-sounding buzzwords and phrases to be impressive and impactful, to give the appearance of great faith and understanding without actually providing any biblically accurate context or exegesis (studied explanation) to back it up.

(Again: the interpretation of this unofficial word is, naturally, very subjective, and people who’ve heard it may approach its meaning in a variety of ways. But, for the sake of this post, I will be using it in terms of the above “definition”—which I just made up. Please bear with me!)

Among friends, Christianese is usually pretty harmless. They are just words, after all—sometimes accidental, often with the best intentions and usually lacking some level of the understanding that comes with spiritual maturity. 

But what is harmful is what these words can lead to over time: a mindset of self over God. Speak enough Christianese and quote enough scripture, and anyone can sound authoritative and sure. (And sadly, there are many in the world who end up using that pretense to fit their own agendas, cherry-picking the Bible for verses that affirm what they want to believe or do.)

The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” 

Jesus answered, “It is said: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'" Luke 4:9-12

Consider phrases like, “Search your heart, do what feels right.” 

Self-examination is good, certainly. But my question is, why would we look inward to our feelings for what is right and true when “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure”? (Jeremiah 17:9) Rather, we should do what we know to be right, according to the Law and Gospel of Jesus Christ. (Ideally, what we know to be right would also be what feels right, but that is not always the case among us fallen creatures.)

Or, how about this one—“I chose God and let Him into my heart.” 

I’ve heard many use this phrase to describe the moment they decided to commit their lives to the Lord (which is great, of course!). Sure—to follow, obey and submit to Christ is a daily choice. But we have no authority over His comings and goings, and we can’t do anything to warrant His presence in our hearts or the gift of His salvific faith; it is a gift, after all, and one that must be nourished through worship, study and sacrament.

And finally—“God saved me because He loves me, because I deserve it.” 

I heard this in a testimony once. Yes, God saved you because He loves you. But Sister, do you really want what we all deserve?

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

Again, I’m not saying that these words are inherently evil in and of themselves, or that their speakers are any more deserving of hell than myself for having uttered them.

But I’m not just splitting hairs, either. What I’m saying is that phrases like these—bold statements rooted in one’s feelings and sense of status rather than scripture—are dangerous and, if you’re not careful, can lead you down an idolatrous and spiritually ignorant path. Interpret the Gospel enough times in a way that is convenient for you, and eventually you’ll start to believe your sinful heart over the Savior who died for it.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” Genesis 3:1

Even more dangerous is the subtle distortion and misuse of scripture. 

Take Philippians 4:13, for example. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” This doesn’t mean that your bony, 90-year-old neighbor will suddenly be able to deadlift 300lbs just by praying and believing in Jesus. (Though, I mean, if God wills it… He’ll make it happen. Maybe just keep your camera charged, to be safe.) 

This verse is about so much more than giving a casual salute to heaven when life’s going well and when we accomplish our earthly goals. It’s about to whom we go when we’re at our highest highs and our lowest lows. It is about the great I AM who sustains us, loves us and keeps us going through life’s hardest moments, “[pressing us] on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called [us] heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14)

When Philippians 4:13 becomes more about what you have accomplished and less about the Savior who died for you, redeemed you and enabled you to glorify Him through your accomplishments—then, my friends, you’ve missed the very Gospel message of the verse. 

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10

When we hear sensational phrases and misused Bible verses, when we allow ourselves to get swept up in the moment and come face-to-face with the attractive lure of emotional, self-glorifying and earthbound language…

Like Bonnie Hunt’s character said in the movie: “I’m sure you plan on being level-headed, but once you’re in the moment… everything [you hear] suddenly seems brilliant.” 

So, what’s your safety plan? What is your link to reality? What is that unrelenting, all-overcoming something that will stop you from inadvertently hitching your wagon to falsehood—as feel-good and enticing as it seems in the moment—and will jolt you back to the reality of God’s design for His children?

Psalm 119 describes the answer as “sweeter than honey to my mouth… a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” And with each passing day, it becomes and does so much more for us than we could ever deserve, earn or imagine. 

My dear Christian Sisters—it is the Word. It is always, always, always the Word.

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12

It is the Word alone; the divine Word—“which was with God, and the Word was God.” (John 1:1)  

And, thankfully, there are many instructive verses within God’s Word that not only warn us against those who would misuse His teachings—whether or not they realize it—but train us in responsibly and lovingly handling those situations.

Consider 1 John 4:1—Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.

We are instructed to “test” the speech and actions of others by observing their doctrine and conduct through God’s gift of spiritual discernment. In other words, does their walk match their talk?

How about Ephesians 5:6-10—Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.

In this passage, Paul is not telling us to avoid all contact with nonbelievers; certainly not. (How else could we go and make disciples of all nations?) Rather, we should avoid joining them in sinful habits and manners of thinking. Again we must pray for discernment and wisdom not only so that we are able to appropriately identify such pitfalls, but also so that we may develop the skills of godly living—“[living] such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” (1 Peter 2:12)

And think of Proverbs 3:5-6—Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

God’s Word instructs us—and many times, at that—to trust in Him above all things and all people. What does this mean? We should govern our lives by what the Lord Himself declares and not set our limited, earthly understanding against His. As sinful creatures, this is a huge, daily struggle for us. But—as all you parents out there can especially attest—that’s what repeated instructions are for, right? “Trust me!”

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7

Sisters in Christ, we don’t need catchy phrases or new translations to have faith and believe in what God tells us directly through scripture. We have the Word, right at our fingertips! And trusting anything else above it would only cheapen and uproot our understanding of the profound glory of Jesus’ love for us. 

And so, we go to our good, good Father. We listen to Him. We read His Word as often as we possibly can. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy; just pick up your Bible and see where it takes you. 

I have learned by experience how one should act under temptation, namely, when any one is afflicted with sadness…. Let him first lay hold of the comfort of the divine Word.” –Martin Luther (Nebe, Luther As Spiritual Adviser, pp. 175-176)

We pray. We pray for discernment—not just in our listening and understanding, but in our own speaking, that we would glorify God as we seek His face and learn to answer everyone with words seasoned with salt, full of grace.

On top of discernment, we pray for wisdom and boldness to speak when a loved one veers off course—and humility to accept correction when we stumble, ourselves.

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. 1 Peter 4:10-11 

We ask questions. When you hear scripture out of context, or when you don’t understand why a verse was used to justify a point—look up the verse and read the whole chapter. Test the unfamiliar by inquiring, “What do you mean by that?” 

Be on the lookout for Christianese—or whatever you want to call it—so that you can recognize when it’s happening. Challenge it by asking, “What does the Bible say about this?” (For that matter, the next time you hear Philippians 4:13, ask yourself: what is “all things” referring to right now?)

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him. Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Psalm 40:3-4

We give thanks. We thank God that, in His great knowledge and grace, He puts people in our lives to make sure we hear the Gospel message, that we understand it and that we believe. 

We thank and praise Him, that He provides family, friends, pastors, blogs, podcasts, books, and even quirky cousins to remind us of His Good News—and that He would use us to share it, too.

And we thank and praise and honor and glorify Him, not only that the Lord would be gracious and make His face shine upon us, each and every day—but that He would give His life for us in the first place, fulfilling the prophecy of our salvation by His death and triumphant resurrection.

Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed—in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 1 Corinthians 15:51-52

And even when we’re not all that level-headed, and even when all the wrong things seem brilliant to us… thanks be to God for His patience, His forgiveness and His indescribable gift of Jesus Christ—our only link to the perfect reality of eternal life in heaven.

*****

When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power. 1 Corinthians 2:1-5