Everything to God in Prayer
It had been one of those days. My patience had worn thin (alright, beyond thin) and I had reached my breaking point. So when my husband got home, the first thing I did was unleash—I unleashed all my frustrations from the entire day. The kids hadn’t listened to me, the house was an absolute mess, I hadn’t gotten anything on my to-do list done, and so on.
But I wasn’t done with this one day, ooooh no—I started spewing every grievance I had with my life with a vengeance. I was done with this year and all the crazy. I was frustrated with the lack of time I had to feel like a person after having another baby. I wanted to take a shower or eat a meal without someone needing something! I was sick of everything in our lives being up in the air with COVID-19. I was dreading what cold and flu season would do to the precariously stable routine we had found with in-person school. Once I started unloading all those built-up frustrations and worries, I almost couldn’t stop. I had felt so weighed down for so long and it felt good to have someone share the load.
My husband, God bless him, sat and listened and let me get it all out. And naturally he wanted to fix it. In the past, my venting has gotten us both worked up because he couldn’t fix it all. But his response on this particular day was just what I needed to hear. Apart from offering to do the dishes and clean up, the greatest gift he gave me was a much-needed reminder: he couldn’t fix it all. I had spent the whole day with my head down, grumbling and focusing on all the aggravating things around me that I had forgotten to look up. My husband reminded me that neither of us were in control of the present or the future. And as good as it felt to vent, I hadn’t talked to the one who has my life in his hands.
Instead of taking my worries and frustrations to God in prayer, I had kept everything pent up all day for my husband to hear. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a blessing to have someone in our lives to pour your heart out to whether it be a spouse, sister, parent or friend. But for some reason, I hadn’t felt like I could pour my heart out to my God and I decided to think long and hard about why that was.
I realized that I had started to go through the motions. The quality of my prayers lately have been the equivalent of having a conversation with someone while simultaneously texting someone else on my phone. I felt like I couldn’t find the words to describe what I was feeling, so I cut my prayers and petitions short. I had gotten formal with him, holding back in a way that I never would when talking with my husband. And why? God knows what is in our hearts before we come to him.
“And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” Matthew 6:7-8
There’s no such thing as getting “too real” with our God. He won’t be shocked by what we say or feel. He won’t find us ridiculous or roll his eyes at our lamenting. He won’t even need us to be coherent in our thoughts when we come to him. He understands everything behind a desperate, “Help me, Lord.” Somehow I had forgotten that. As much as I cherish my husband for listening to me and helping me as much as he can when I struggle, he’s not the one I should go to first. I’m reminded that my greatest friend is Jesus.
“What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear.
And what a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer.
Oh, what peace we often forfeit.
Oh, What needless pain we bear.
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.”What a Friend We Have in Jesus