The clock read 2:32 PM as I sat down on my kitchen floor ready to indulge in the frozen peanut butter cups I had recently purchased from Trader Joes. My son was in the living room where I had left him to watch television; not something I normally do but I needed a moment to myself. It had been a long week, and it was only Tuesday so the remaining three days were looking rather dreary. I wasn’t certain we’d make it to 6 PM on Friday evening when daddy would be home for the weekend.
I sat there holding the empty wrappers as tears began to flow down my cheeks, “this isn’t how I pictured motherhood. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
I’d recently left a successful career to stay at home with our son. I had traded my business suits for yoga pants and the board room for a play room. My husband and I were adapting to our new roles, his as sole provider for the family and mine as the main provider for our son.
With these new roles came a lot of questions:
now that I was home all day, was I solely responsible for household duties?
Even though I didn’t have to get up and go to an office each morning, did that mean that every middle-of-the-night wakeup now fell to me?
How would I find time to do things that I enjoy?
At 36 years old, I felt as though I were in the middle of an identity crisis! I mean, I knew things would change but I wasn’t expecting that change to be so intense. I wasn’t expecting to feel so…..lonely.
Had I made a mistake leaving my job?
Did I misunderstand the direction I thought God was leading me?
It’s not the first time I’ve felt this way. As my callings from the Lord have changed, I find myself in the same version of a different story - at times feeling lost, confused and wondering if God had the right girl for the job. Doubt slowly creeps in and that is my cue that something is missing: a stronger connection to Christ. When things of this world get in the way, it’s easy to forget who(se) I am.
Perhaps you are in between callings? This season of life may find you starting out as a new wife, deep in the trenches of the toddler years or returning to work again now that your children have grown. Maybe you lie in bed reminiscing about a time when you were more certain of yourself?
Sweet sister, do not let Satan fool you into thinking you are not enough! We discover our true identity the more closely we are drawn to the Lord.
Did you catch that line? God’s special possession.
Wherever you are in life (even if it’s sitting on your kitchen floor eating peanut butter cups!) you can feel secure knowing the One who created the universe calls you his own. The God that knew you before you were born (Jeremiah 1:5) and has you engraved in the palm of his hand (Isaiah 49:16) is the same God who hung each and every star in the sky. He knows you intimately, and He doesn’t make mistakes.
Turn to him when you’re feeling uncertain, and hear his truth over Satan’s lies: you are chosen! You are royal! You are holy! You are MINE!