The world has taken sex and sexuality and plastered it in pornographic images everywhere. What was created by God as a most intimate, loving, and private blessing in marriage, has been cheapened and offered out to anyone who wants a lesser version of it.
Wives (and someday wives), it’s high time we took back sex, and the marriage bed, as the amazing, incredible gift God has given us in our marriages. You see, God, the eternal creator, all-knowing, holy God, created this incredibly awesome thing we call sex, and he created it before the fall.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. - Genesis 2:20-25
Sex is one of those things that came under the category of “good” in God's perfect creation. What an incredible gift God gives to both Adam and Eve as he creates them both to complement each other in every way, both emotionally and physically. "They were naked and felt no shame." It was only after the fall that sex got warped and tainted.
We must remember that sex, within the bounds of marriage, is STILL a good wonderful gift for us to enjoy as a husband and wife.
But, if we are honest, it doesn’t always feel that way. There are many reasons sex can feel lost in a marriage. Some of them might be:
- Baggage from sexual sins either before or after marriage
- Exhaustion from the rigors of motherhood
- Feeling disconnected from our husband and out of touch with our sensuality
Having a thriving sex life doesn’t require two perfect people. In fact, the incredible thing about sex is that God takes two broken messes and makes something beautiful out of it.
So, how can we as Christian women, reclaim the incredible gift of sex in our marriages and find joy and connection with our husband (and God) through it? Here are some suggestions:
TURN OFF MEDIA AND OPEN THE BIBLE.
Spiritual intimacy builds physical intimacy. Why? Because sex is far more than two bodies interacting. It is two people becoming one; joined by their Creator. Growing closer in our relationship and intimacy with God will also draw you and your spouse closer together. If you and your spouse don’t read the Bible together, you are missing out on one of the awesome blessings of marriage! Need some help getting started? Check out: How to Fall in Love with Reading the Bible.
Confess your sins and admit your weaknesses to the Lord together.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. – James 5:16
Pray together for your marriage, your kids, for God to make you a team on mission for him. Ask God to give you a desire for each other but, more importantly, a desire to be close to God and living for him. Also, don’t be afraid to pray specifically about your sex life. This can feel odd in a culture where sex can feel dirty or wrong, but God not only cares about your marriage, he cares about your sex life too. (He’s the one who has gifted it to you!) Ask God to heal, to restore, and to bond you both together. This leads to the next point.
The unfortunate reality is that we do live in a sinful world where sex has been tainted and pornography, temptations, and sexual sin has or is affecting your marriage. This could be a whole series of blog posts, and I don’t have time to go super deep with this, but, you cannot have intimacy without honesty. Pretending your marriage is not affected won’t make the problem go away. Your marriage is worth fighting for!
Be honest with each other. This doesn’t mean you have to go into every single detail regarding your sin and hurt your spouse. However, you do need to confess it. Sins kept secret have the power to continue to control you. Satan will use any lies you tell yourself or your spouse to divide and keep you struggling. Don’t give him a foothold in your marriage. The truth is painful at times, but when things are brought to light, forgiven, and held accountable, there is freedom and restoration!
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said:
“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.” - Ephesians 5:8-14
GO TO BED EARLY.
If you are a mom, or just a woman in general, jumping from busy day mode into sex mode is far from ideal. At the end of a day, It’s way too easy to feel like teammates living in the same house rather than romantic lovers.
Don’t start your night with sex. Start with intimacy.
Go to bed long before it’s bedtime. Enjoy skin-to-skin contact, talk, joke around, connect about your day, flirt, and have fun. These are the things that connect you to your spouse and continue to build your relationship. And when you are feeling close and loved by each other, sex almost always happens. And if it doesn’t? There is really no loss. The quality time spent together is still a better investment than TV or other distractions.
We have been redeemed from sin and despair and put on a mission by Jesus. There is no better way to grow with your spouse than to be living on mission together. When we step out in faith, side-by-side, we will find a deeper bond, reliance on each other, and a joy that comes from focusing on Jesus and his mission to make disciples, rather than each other and our imperfections. We often think we need a date night or time away from our kids to rekindle the flame of passion for one another. However, a day of serving others as a team (and even tagging your kids along) will likely bring you much closer as a couple, leave you more satisfied by Jesus, and bless your intimacy in the bedroom more than a date night ever could.
Sex is an incredible gift God has given to you and your spouse. Satan would love nothing more than to steal the joy of that blessing and tempt you to meet your needs outside the laws of God. But, Satan is an evil liar and only wants you hurting your marriage by keeping your marriage bed a mess. Don't give him a foothold! Fight for your marriage, for your sex life, for your bond as a husband and wife. It may not always come easy, but some of the best things in life rarely do.