I know there are people who love surprises. I am not one of them. Some people love spontaneity. There was a time that I did, but it was before four children.
I am a planner's planner. I own planners. I make notes. I plan vacations complete with hours, maps and cost. In fact, a good friend just asked for my planner from a vacation a few years back. She knows I put the time into researching the best places to visit. She knows I make the most of the time I have when I'm in a place for a few days.
This is where my faith walk sometimes gets shaky.
Somehow I EXPECT God to answer prayer the way I think He should. I want God to stick to MY plan.
I pray God keeps my husband and me on the same page. It was never the plan that He use adversity to do so.
I pray my kids live as a beacon of God’s love. I want them to shine, but I don't want them to be in dark places.
I pray my teens learn to live with integrity, but I hate when they are confronted with the dilemmas: honor God or be ridiculed; do the right thing or lose a friend.
I pray for more time with my family, and am blindsided when suddenly I'm out of a job.
I pray for total healing for a friend and can't believe when God brings them to their heavenly home.
God wasn't joking in Isaiah 55:8-9:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
My plans so rarely coincide with His. But time and again He shows me that His plans are better. His plans see the big picture, while I see only what is in front of me.
God looks for moral and spiritual gain, while I want everyone safe and happy and well. He looks at motives; I just hear the words.
I am learning to weigh things in light of eternity.
I am learning God cares nothing of money. As provider and caretaker He is not limited by earthly measurements.
I am learning to lean into the hymn I learned as a child: "I am trusting you, Lord Jesus, trusting only you."
And I am learning to pray without a plan. I just pray and pour my heart out and then I add, "Your will be done."